I spend quite a bit of time thinking about how people treat me. Especially the people I consider closest to me. I’ve also learned that quite often this needs to lead to some introspection. If you’re considering how people treat you, you should also be considering how you treat them.
In this roundabout manner, I started considering the things that make me a friend. And I came up with a few things I believe to be my contributions to my relationships. So here’s my list:
What makes me a friend
- I’m an ego booster. No, I don’t spend all day every day telling people what’s wonderful about them. It’s quite likely that it is not even noticed most of the time.
I want my friends to feel good though. And I want them to know their good qualities. So yes, I’ll make comments and say things in the hope that they feel it and in turn feel good/better about themselves.
In my experience this is a rare thing. It’s not often that someone will say positive things about another in a normal everyday situation. I actually know one or two people who refuse to do this as a conscious choice.
- I’m a fixer. I like to make people’s lives easier. So I’ll step in and go to great lengths to help where I can and resolve problems if they’re in my power to do so.
I know this can be overbearing and lead to actually hurting the friendship. So I’m learning to help only when asked or in dire circumstances and it has encouraged me to improve on…
- I’m a good listener. I can sit for ages and listen to my friends talk. For the most part I’m not much of a talker myself. But I can listen real good and allow them to express everything they need to express. I’ve also got a long way on learning not to respond or try and give answers. That being said, I’m still.
- An advisor. I’m quite good at breaking things down and assessing them in all manner of ways which leads me to being able to provide advice and courses of action that could hopefully help.
- I’m honest. I will call a spade a spade. If I’m highlighting a positive quality you know it’s what I believe. By the same token I will be honest with my friends about their shortcomings as well.
- I’m observant. I notice things and see a lot more than you would think.
- I’m private. I don’t like to gossip and I don’t share things told to me. Although I may not have the perfect track record I still take trust very seriously.
- I’m fun to hang out with. I am not the “party friend“. I’m not the high energy one to go all wild, line up the shots and get drunk with. I am smart(ish) though, can hold a conversation and be witty. I tend towards relaxing and easy times.
Am I perfect? Not by a long shot (I know it’s hard to believe) and I know I can be as full of shit as the next guy. I also know that my thoughts and opinions can be wrong seeing as they are based on my own biased self assessment. If you are a friend of mine, please give me feedback on this list. Whether you have or have not experienced any of this. Where can I improve? What am I doing right?
My challenge to you
Give it some honest thought. What makes you a friend? Taking this into consideration can lead to interesting discoveries on your strengths and weaknesses in your relationships.
I’ve also been considering my faults in my relationships. But that is a list for another time.
What makes you friend?