50 Shades of Grey book review

By | February 24, 2015

Let me start by saying it’s 2 o’ clock in the morning. I should’ve gone to bed hours ago but with my brain deciding we’re not tired I figured I would get this ball rolling.

So I borrowed a copy of 50 Shades of Grey. Gray? Grey? Wait. Ah, there it is. Grey. With an ‘e’. I’ll get this wrong in future.

So let us get started with the “Mr. Sinister’s review of something he’s reading” ©®™€£¥.

Chapter 1

Right, Ana is a bit whiney. Also, a question for the ladies about inter-women relationships. Do you really have ‘unwelcome sympathy’ for your ‘dearest, dearest friend’?
Also, he’s a control freak and arrogant but omg his eyes and his mouth and his touch! I’m confused.

Ok, it’s possibly because it’s almost 3AM and I’m reading this like a dude but so far, so good. My “stab my eyes out with a blunt screwdriver” o’ meter ©®™€£¥ has barely moved.

Chapter 2

Ok. Run from the building because that was a very strange event. I can see it. Boy, she is crushing on him. Big time. Which is good for the story I guess. Although, if you go to do an interview with someone as a favor to a friend, you would expect said friend to ask questions about it wouldn’t you? Not bitch about it being an inquisition.

Holy crap this is a long chapter. Full of pointless drivel so far. It’s 3AM and I’m finally tired. I’ll continue this later.

*Zzzzzzzzzzzz*

Fuck it you know what? I’m just going to read this thing through and provide a review at the end. I don’t like to read and write at the same time and there’s too much here, most of which you can pick up using provided links of other bloggers who worked harder.

I will of course make mention of anything that stands out for me. Like this little gem.

Never trust a man who can dance”

With that this book has entered the special realm of my hatredsphere reserved for pedophiles, rapists, animal abusers and vuvuzelas.

I’ve finished it

So yeah, it’s not great. Pretty shitty actually. But not as eye-gougingly painful as I had feared it would be. Basically, what I’m trying to say, is that it was better than Twilight. Marginally.

I don’t like Ana. She’s whiney and annoying. I also think she is exceptionally selfish. Can somebody please tell her, if her friend Kate is fucking hot and well built with the bikini body et all, and she fits onto Kate’s dresses, what that says about her? Trust me, I understand body and self image issues. But this girl takes it to the level of ‘get over yourself’. The constant references to her subconscious and ‘inner goddess’ grate me severely. Fuck off with that shit. I think this girl is schizo

Grey is an ass. Occasionally a side of him is shown that makes me think, “There! That dude! That dude needs to be more”, but almost immediately he is defaulted back to the angry, jealous, and overbearing asshole. And what’s with the fucking stalker shit? It was written in there to stand out and it does nothing except make him look like a dangerous dickhead. It really hurt his already bad scoring character. If the stalker bits alone were omitted the book would have been much better.

And the sex! One of the main reasons this book became infamous? The erotic subject matter…was pretty fucking lame. I’m sorry, but the sex written in this book was overall pretty boring. And judging by the mainstream reaction, I have a better understanding of why I get some of the initial reactions to some of my bedroom suggestions. (Yes, I do have a bit of a wicked smile at the moment).

But here’s the thing that really really irks me about this book. The potential. Young, inexperienced and innocent girl meets dark, brooding and closed off man. They fall for each other. He coaxes out her passion. Shows her the unexplored possibilities of her sensuality. What the physical aspects of love can hold. She in turn teaches him to be more emotionally open, gently pushes him to learn that he is not truly broken. This has been done before and in the context of the 50 Shades universe could have been done so so so much better.

Kudos to whatsherface for ending it on such a cliff hanger though. I’m not reading the second book though.

I don’t like this book but I also don’t hate it. Except for the dance thing. Fuck you for the dance thing. I also don’t like this review very much. But I can’t get myself beyond ‘meh’ over this.

Onward and upward on to more entertaining things.

Mr. Sinister

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